


Silence

by paper_eternity



Series: Marauders Chronicles [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Post-Hogwarts, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-14
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-13 04:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2137173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paper_eternity/pseuds/paper_eternity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>1994: Remus and Sirius meet for the first time alone, after Sirius gets out of Azkaban.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

> Written based upon a writing prompt ("Start a story with “They had nothing to say to each other.”)  
> Characters are courtesy of the wonderful J.K:Rowling, not mine, but perfect for sad, depressing stories.

They had nothing to say to each other. An exhausted Remus Lupin was looking at the clock and watched as the seconds, minutes, hours ticked by. The arm of the clock seemed to move slower, the longer he stared at it.

Briefly he wondered, whether their love story would count as tragic now. Would it be good book material, or would it be featured in one of those soaps, their muggle friend Emmeline, the old lady from upstairs, devoured? She was a really sweet lady, who often looked after their flat, when Sirius and Remus had to embark on a mission for the 'Order Of Phoenix' for Dumbledore at the same time, which in the end happened rather often. The TV shows in question were rather horrible though. They had their advantages nevertheless – the old lady was nearly death, so she had to turn the television so loud, she wouldn't even hear her own telephone ring.

 

_“Psst, be quiet!”, Remus mumbled already feeling a little dazed by the beauty of the man in front of him and by the fact he wanted him, a werewolf. Had wanted him for years, actually.“Emmeline will hear us and we don't want that old lady scarred for life now, when she finds out the fine young gentlemen downstairs from her won't make the perfect grandsons-in-law.”_

_Sirius laughed against Remus's throat, which sent shivers all through his body. “I don't think I'd make the perfect grandson-in-law anyway.”_

_Remus would have to agree with that, his friend was in no way perfect. But the way he looked right now, hair messy from the wind, his pupils large and full of lust and cheeks flushed, like a teenager's, after making out, Sirius surely felt perfect to him. There was no way he was telling him that though, he was already too cocky as it was.“But maybe I would”, Remus grinned._

_A mischievous smirk hushed over Sirius's face. The same smirk that Remus had seen playing on his lips so many times before, when they'd been about to pull another prank. Although he'd rather not think about flooding the Slytherin common room, while Sirius was nibbling on his collar bone and had him pushed up the wall in the hallway at the bottom of the staircase. Then Sirius moved a little up to suck on the crook of his neck, in a way that would surely leave a mark and when he suddenly bit down, Remus couldn't suppress a low growl, that sounded more than the werewolf in him than the man.“I don't think you'd make a very good grandson-in-law either; you're enjoying this way too much”, Sirius chuckled, his hands roaming Remus's body and removing both their jackets in the process._

_“_ _Maybe Emmeline has a grandson, who's much cuter than you and has a better butt, too”, Remus teased and saw the jealousy and possessiveness flicker in Sirius's eyes for just a second. Then it was replaced by determination._

_“Shirt”, the curly haired lad nearly barked, already eagerly pulling his own jersey over his head._

_Within seconds Remus felt dizzy with desire, the way only Sirius had ever made him feel. He obliged immediately, then changed his mind. “We really shouldn't”, he protested reluctantly, very much wanting to have all of Sirius right there in the hallway. “Emmeline will hear and I will never be able to look her in the eye again.” Sirius stopped groping him momentarily and glanced into the wall in front of him; for so long, Remus feared he might have angered him._

_"Padfoot...”, he started, a tad worried, but his boyfried cut in: “Telly is on.”_

_Confused, Remus looked around. What was he on about? There was no telly in the hallway!_

_Sirius looked expectantly at him in that slightly arrogant, know-it-all way, he'd perfected over the years, then rolled his eyes and sighed: “That means, she won't hear us, you oblivious bastard.”_

_It slowly dawned on him. But they still couldn't have sex in the hallways could they? Somebody, could walk in on them and... Bugger it; no one was going to come here to visit Emmeline or them at ten o'clock on a Tuesday night. If they did, it was their own fault. Sirius definitely had a bad influence on him._

_"Fine”, he growled, then added: “You'll pay for calling me an oblivious bastard though.” To show he meant it, he turned them around, so now it was Sirius, who was pressed up against the wall only Remus's hands under his perfectly round butt holding him in place. Remus kissed the shorter lad fiercely savouring the unique way their lips danced together and their tongues intertwined. Sirius's hands in his hair drove him insane to the point, where he almost forgot that now he was in control. Then he recollected himself and moved to lick down the side of Sirius' neck and his best friend threw his head back, whether because of the roaring laughter, that was spilling from his lips, interrupted only by a choked “If that's your payment, I'll have it any day”, or because of the sensation of Remus's lips against his skin, Remus couldn't tell._

 

No, present time Remus decided, he and Sirius had had good years. Bright ones, happy ones, filled with joy and laughter. Brilliant ones even. Then came the darker, secretive, vanishing years. Vanishing, because however hard Remus tried, he couldn't remember much, except cold nights in front of a lit fire, wondering whether all that time, he'd been wrong about the man he loved so dearly. How sad, that there were whole years of one's life, which just disappeared. Wasted.

He'd been alone for a long time, sometimes shagging some random person, but not following up on it, and now there was a pale-looking Sirius sitting next to him, staring into the flames in front of him. They reflected in his pupils, but left them empty nonetheless. It didn't matter though. They had nothing to say to each other. Remus had thought, that they would apologize to each other, Sirius would most probably cry, he would make a joke, both of them would laugh and they'd be fine. They'd be acting the same way, they'd come to behave before his boyfriend was sent to Azkaban. Like clockwork. Instead they just felt alone together.

Remus wanted to reach out and touch Sirius, rip him out of his lethargy, get any sort of reaction. Sirius was supposed to be strong and fearless for the both of them, not this feeble mess crouched in one of their shabby old armchairs, that bore countless coffee stains, the old Sirius had caused with his unlimited carelessness.

 

_“Pay attention for once, Padfoot, would you?”, Remus huffed, annoyed and tired from his most recent mission. “You're always spilling your coffee everywhere.”_

_“Oops”, Sirius said, not sounding sorry at all. “I forgot you're my mother.”_

_“I'm not!”, Remus protested. “Those chairs simply belong to me just as much as they belong to you and I like my stuff clean.”_

_Sirius chuckled._

_"What?”, Remus snapped at him. Sometimes he wondered, why he even bothered returning home._

_“You don't like your sex clean.”_

_“Bastard.”_

_“Admit it”, Sirius smirked and moved over to sit next to Remus on the sofa. “You like your sex... dirty.”_

_Remus didn't want to be turned on – he just was. Sirius' seductive voice did things to him, he couldn't control. Right now, that wasn't helping though, he wanted to be mad at the unfairly fit lad._

_“Moony”, Sirius purred. “you know you can't stay mad at me.”_

_Although Remus refused to look at him and stared straight ahead, Sirius seemed to take his silence as a 'yes' and started to nibble on Remus's ear._

_“Stop that”, Remus whined, ignoring the incredible sensation forming in his belly._

_“Do you really want me to stop?”_

_“Yes.” Dammit, his voice had shaken, because Sirius had used that damn witty mouth of his to plant open mouthed kisses along Remus's jaw. Now he could still push him away though, he wasn't in the least bit aroused and he was still incredibly mad, because his boyfriend didn't even seem to care about his feelings about stains and..._

_“Fine, then I won't bother you”, Sirius stated and pulled back. Remus whimpered at the loss of contact. Bloody needy body, he thought, betraying me like that._

_The dark haired man opposite him laughed. Like every time he did, Remus was fazed by his boyfriend's beauty. Sirius never just laughed, he laughed with his whole body, his dark eyes sparkling, his head tipping back and his mouth open wide, showing a perfect row of teeth. Maybe Remus could actually make do with a few coffee stains if that meant having Sirius around._

_“Come here, you wanker”, he mumbled._

_“Sorry, I couldn't hear you.” A stupid grin spread on Sirius' face. Why did his lover have to be so bloody cheeky?_

_Instead of replying Remus just pulled him down to kiss him deeply. That was a lot better, than talking Sirius._

 

Suddenly new Sirius got to his feet and stuttered: “I should go.” Those were the first words he'd uttered after nearly half an hour and the only one's except for 'Hello, Remus' and 'Yes, coffee would be great.'

Remus had expected their relationship to be strained at first; after all, they'd mistrusted each other for years, but he hadn't expected indifference on Sirius's behalf. He himself definitely didn't feel indifference or anything close to it; he felt a lot of things all at once, but not indifference towards Sirius. He doubted he ever would. The other man should at least give him a chance to try to apologize for the unforgivable. How could he ever believe Sirius was a murderer, Sirius, who was as devoted to his friends as he was loyal and trustworthy? Remus wanted to explain his thoughts to his best friend, but he couldn't do so, if he knew he would talk against a wall of silence.  
Sirius didn't reach out to him though and Remus led him to the door.

“It was nice seeing you again”, he said desperately and almost added 'alive', but decided against it.

The man, he still loved so much, didn't answer just looked at Remus, in a way that nearly tore his heart out. So lost, so wounded, so alone. Remus wanted to help him, but knew that his former best friend wouldn't accept it.

“Goodbye, Moony”, Sirius said in a voice so familiar, but in a tone, so foreign to Remus. He suddenly felt a lump in his throat, even though he wasn't the weepy one out of the two of them, and he wanted to ask Sirius to stay and hold him, until things were alright again; until they were alright again.

“Goodbye, Padfoot”, he said in a voice that wasn't his own.

And Sirius left once again, leaving Remus behind in the small, empty, goddamn rotten flat, that had once been theirs.

 

_“Goodbye, Moony”, Sirius said, voice thick of emotion, for what felt like the millionth time._

_“Goodbye, Padfoot”, Remus replied, but pulled Sirius towards him at his collar, kissing him desperately. Sirius tasted like coffee and sunshine and home. He tasted like Sirius._

_“I really need to go”, Sirius mumbled against Remus's lips, before gripping his hips even tighter than before and kissing him all over again, setting off butterflies in Remus's stomach. He wondered, what he tasted like to Sirius._

_He gently pushed his best friend away and forced a smile, even though he felt like crying instead. “You need to go, love.”_

_Sirius nodded. He really had to apparate to a secret location, where he'd be tracking down death eaters for an indefinite amount of time. Only when each and every one of them was caught, he'd return to Remus, but that wasn't anything new to either of them. Sirius pressed one last chaste kiss to his boyfriend's lips, this time tasting like salt of wiped away tears. “I'll be back soon, babe.”_

_He never was though, and the old Sirius took all of the happiness in their flat with him, when he went straight to Azkaban after that. The old Sirius had walked out of their apartment that day and never came back._

 

* * *

That was the first story, I've ever posted. Please tell me what you think - even if it is just to point out typos ;)

Update: I have now started writing a story, 'A Tale Of Moon And Stars', set after this. Please check that out, if you are interested :)


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